Bittersweet

I keep waiting to add posts because I wanted to update all the archives from my previous blog, but I just can’t seem to get around to it.  So…someday I’ll pull over the other posts.  For now, I’m gonna keep on postin’ in the present.

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Things these days have been good.  Really good.  Ryan is progressing and seems to be at a stable place.  We started NAET treatments a few months ago and I think those, combined with the NutriiVeda have really worked well together in healing his stomach and body.  I’ll do a big post on NAET, but today I just wanted to vent.  Not in a negative way though.

I have a daughter, Emma, who’s 15 months old.  Unfortunately, since I’ve learned so much through our experiences with Ryan, I watch her grow through the lens of developmental observation.  Does that make any sense? 

Instead of just enjoying the fact that she is a doll.  Or noticing how stinkin’ cute it is when she carries her little giraffe around by the tail, I watch her every developmental move.  Wondering…worrying.  Will she have apraxia too?  Since she is just 15 months old, you can imagine the focus I’ve had over the last few months – when she’s “supposed” to start talking.  Thankfully, she is.  And watching her effortlessly spit out word after word is so very bittersweet. 

Sweet in that is it probably the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.  That tiny little girl copying words in her sweet little baby voice.  The effortless “S” “T” and “CH” sounds.  The way she says “Cheerio” or “doggie” or, most especially, “Mommy” and “Daddy.”  It’s all just wonderful and I am thankful in a way most parents probably are not – appreciative at a whole new level.

Bitter.  The bitterness is not meant to be negative, but with each easy, natural utterance Emma has, it puts Ryan’s challenges in a whole new perspective.   To hear Emma makes me realize just how hard he had/has it.  Just how difficult it is for him to form simple words.  The level of focus he must exert to do simple tasks.  I even see Emma playing with cars in a way Ryan didn’t until he was well past 2 yrs old.  I almost hate to even write this as I don’t want Ryan to ever read this someday and feel bad.  But the thoughts are there. 

The pride I feel for Ryan’s accomplishments (for himself!) is indescribable.  He’s doing so well I almost forget that it’s still a big deal, this stupid apraxia.  It’s a big deal that HE is dealing with daily.  Just because he finally got his “D” sound, doesn’t mean it’s not a feat for him to get the rest of his sounds out every day. 

No point to this post – just a random thought.  A rambling mom gaining new perspective.

This entry was posted in apraxia, NAET, Nutriiveda, Ryan's Progress and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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